Shake it Off

As my musical guilty pleasure, Taylor Swift, likes to sing, sometimes you just have to shake it off. Whether it's the players, haters or the nay-sayers, getting rid of the negativity in your life is a step in the right direction. As I do research on the different bariatric surgeries available to my mom and I, I've come to realize the majority of blogs and video journals focus on the bad effects of going through with surgery, rather than the positive impacts on their life. I'd like to look at the surgery from a different point of view and list the positive impacts I'm looking forward to.

1. Reclaiming the three years that experts say obesity snips from my lifespan.
2. Shopping in an actual mall for outfits that don't include the term 'plus'. I don't see myself in a bikini right after surgery, but I'd be happy with just looking healthy!
3. Flying without a seat belt extender or, worse, the sneers from the poor soul sitting between us on a flight.
4. Swimming, snorkeling and all other outdoor activity that has been limited, thanks to my extra weight
5. Sleeping without sounding like a large grizzly/train. Also--cutting off the concern of sleep apnea before it even begins. No matter how much I'd joke and call myself "Maverick", a CPAP sleep mask will never be sexy.
6. Dancing like crazy without worrying that my ass is going to launch a skinny chick through a side window if she gets too close. I'll just go ahead and say I'm looking forward to feeling more confident in general. 
7. Walking, skipping, jogging or whatever else I'd like to do without feeling like an out of breath elephant. I can't wait for the day that I can go shopping in Wal-Mart without having to pause in the candle aisle to catch my breath as I walk from the grocery side to get dog food. Even though I'm the only one that knows what I'm thinking, it's humiliating none-the-less.
8. Seeing all of my friends that I haven't seen in a while to show them my success.
9. Starting my new career without my weight holding me back in any way, shape or form. 
10. Having a normal dating life without the inhibitions associated with being the girl 'chubby chasing' guys go after. 

Off to the Races

Early this week, I received a phone call from Vanderbilt about my blood work that left me worried and Googling. I'm not sure about everyone else, but Googling medical results never ends up in a positive direction. Don't do it.

 Basically, the lab tech told me that I was severely anemic and that my white count was on the high side. I know...I tend to overreact, but I've gotten those results every time I've ever been to the doctor my entire life. I'm always anemic and I've always got a slightly higher white count than normal. According to Google, I could be facing a large list of auto-immune diseases, cancer or something as simple as arthritis. Time to see the hematologist? Maybe. Luckily for me, the tech gave me a list of new blood tests needed from my primary care physician to see what's going on. I LOVE needles! (Sikeee)

Today was our first monthly appointment with our doctor to set up a weight loss regime and to meet the insurance guidelines needed prior to our surgery in six months. My blood pressure was through the roof to the point that I was placed on medication to lower it. Fat surgeons refer to high blood pressure as a 'comorbidity'. In other words, 'Side Effects of Fat'. Mom's blood pressure was also extremely high, so hopefully starting on this plan will help us get on the healthy track.

The doctor recommended that we ditch out attempts to count calories and stick to a low-carb diet. The plan was nothing new to either of us and went hand in hand with the post-surgery diet, so we're set to begin as soon as possible (aka--on Monday lol). The lab tech took two gallons of blood for the new iron deficiency tests and we're hoping and praying that everything comes back normal. The surgeon won't proceed with surgery if my anemia doesn't improve, so wish me luck!

Pleasantly Plump

I can't remember a time in my life that I wasn't overweight. Outside of the toddler years and early elementary, I've always carried those extra pounds that I've never been able to shake off. It's funny to think that when I was younger, my step-grandma would tell me that I was "pleasantly plump" and that it was baby weight. I was active, swimming like a fish in the summer and playing horse with my papaw in the afternoons. Despite this, my love for sweets, cokes and all things carbohydrate, my body piled on the pounds like a bear preparing for hibernation. Now, in my late 20's and fatter than I've ever been in my life, I have fantasies of someone finally inventing a time machine just for the sole purpose of me going back in time to smack that Little Debbie cake right out of my pudgy hand.

I'm not bitter--not even a little bit. My life has been so absolutely blessed that I find myself looking back at photos in amazement at my experiences. Everyone has mean little bullies to deal with in school. I had more than my fair share of them, but if I hadn't of been fat, it would have been something else. Maybe they would have noticed my pug nose or the fact that I had feet like an ostrich. Who knows? The fact of the matter is, without those bullies in my early life, I wouldn't have developed the thicker skin needed to handle certain things that would occur later on. For example, who's to say I could have shouldered the responsibility of being there for my mom when my dad passed away? Or, on a lighter note, what direction would my life have went without the social skills, sense of humor and confidence I'd been forced to develop when I wasn't making the cut physically?

I'll admit that it's the little things that hurt the most. It's the feeling of being the second-option, when the first didn't pull through. It's the guys wanting to chat with you on Facebook, only to find out they want to hang out in secret. It's the looks, the snubs, the dirty glances when you ask for seconds at a family dinner. It's the insecure feeling that everyone is thinking about what you're thinking about--"girl, you need to push back the plate!"

Now, as I research the different surgery options to help me reach my goal weight, I'm realizing that there isn't such a thing as a magic skinny button. Even with a weigh loss surgery, it's going to take a lot of hard work to achieve the goals I've set for myself. There will be no more Coca Cola (my favorite--especially from McDonalds. They must sprinkle something special in theirs because it truly taste better). I will no longer be able to guzzle water, eat carbs or eat large portions of food. I say this as a good and bad thing. For anyone assuming that weight loss surgery is an easy way out, trust me when I say that I was of that opinion as well when the thought first crossed my mind. After speaking to the doctor and doing the research, the surgery is simply the tool needed to get me back on the right path. It's just the beginning of a very long journey!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Even though this was the last Thanksgiving that I'll be able to load up on second helpings of my grandma's delicious cooking, I found myself feeling beyond blessed. Looking around at my wonderful grandparents, my mom and my little cousin, I couldn't help but think of what I'm truly thankful for.

I'm thankful for being raised in a loving, Christian family that taught me the values and teachings of Jesus. I'm nowhere near perfect, but I'm thankful everyday for my relationship with God and the blessings he's bestowed upon my life. 

I'm thankful for my mother, Bonita, and the mentor, confidant and friend that she's always been. We've been through many things together and I know that she would walk through fire for me and I'd do the same in return! 

I'm thankful for my amazing, God-fearing Papaw that, I'm pretty sure, hung the moon and stars. Listing to him tell the stories of his childhood today was completely awe-inspiring. He spoke about having no electricity or indoor plumbing to take a bath. Can you imagine taking a bath with a bucket of warm water or waking up in the night to find frost on your covers because the house didn't have heat? There are so many things that I take for granted and I'm grateful to have him in my life. 

Lastly, I'm thankful for my health that, in spite of my weight, has remained good. While my blood pressure, sugar and blood work remain normal, I know that it will eventually change if I remain at this size. In conclusion, I'm thankful for the technology available to help me begin the journey to better health!

Happy Thanksgiving and God Bless!

                      

New Beginnings

For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with my weight. From elementary school onwards, I've been the chubby girl hiding in the back row of photos, dressing in dark clothes and learning that a personality will only get you so far in most things. Now, at 28 years old, I've decided that I no longer want to walk down this unhealthy path that will, no doubt, eventually lead to diabetes, heart disease, and even death. My mom, who has also struggled with her weight her entire life, is joining this journey with me.

Earlier this week, we went to Vanderbilt Center for Surgical Weight Loss in Nashville to spend an entire day learning about the different bariatric surgeries. After meeting with an insurance specialist, dietician and the actual surgeon, we decided to sign up for the gastric bypass procedure. Initially, we were more interested in the gastric sleeve, but the bypass seems to be a more successful procedure with better weight loss statistics. 

We learned that there is actually a fairly complicated set of tasks to complete before we are able to get surgery, but we are on our way! After we finish a few medical test and meet with a support group, we are scheduled to have our surgery in six months. That should be around in end of May 2016. 

Part of me does feel like I'm giving up and that I should have been able to push back the plate and get off my butt for exercise. However, my mom and I have both tried every diet out there and we simply cannot do it alone. I feel that this surgery will give us the fresh start we have been looking for.  Please wish us luck on our new journey and we will post updates as we go! 

Here's one of my favorite photos of my mom and I in our favorite place in the world--Cancun! She's crazy and my best friend and I couldn't think of anyone else I'd rather take this journey with! 

          Cancun August 2015

 Me Nov. 2015

Mom Nov. 2015